Free to be a kid

As I mentioned in a previous post, we moved to a new, safe neighborhood near a park filled with children thinking that this is where our kids could be kids.

Sadly, this is not true.

The “Land I love” is not what it used to be. People are fearful of lawsuits and the laws keep piling up. So fast in fact that people can’t keep up with the latest restrictions. John Elder Robison shares his own frustration about this in his latest book Raising Cubby, where he explains how he was almost arrested for taking a picture of a subway and how his son was raked over the coals for having a chemistry lab at home.

This saddens me. When I need a reminder that my kids should be able to be kids I read Walls Are to Be Walked by Nathan Zimelman. Sometimes, I wish I owned at least twenty copies to handout to adults that need to be reminded of what it was like to be a child.

You see I remember growing up in the country and although my parents were fearful of me leaving the yard – they let me. They let me go and play with the other neighborhood kids. They let me scrap my knees and play baseball with the boys. As a result, I made mistakes like trying to slide into first base and getting a raspberry on my thigh that I thought would never heal. However, these life lessons have taught me more lessons than I would’ve ever learned staying cooped up in my yard.

I learned how to share, and take turns, and cooperate. I learned to bite my lip, to hold back tears and to be brave. I was given a small amount of independence and proved that I could make wise choices and make my parents proud. I learned so much by having a fantastic, adventurous childhood.

However, here we are today and I meet more and more parents that won’t even let their children play in their yards unless they are within twelve inches of them. For small children – I get it. They are still forming their Do’s and Don’t’s, but how are the kids going to learn trust and independence if no one allows it until  age 16 or later at college.

Has anyone thought about the fact that if you gave the kids some responsibility before they turn 16 that they might know how to properly act when the time comes?

Instead we smother them only to release them to the lions at 16 or at 18 when sent away to college to deal with everyday important moral and monetary choices. What happens – they fail! Why? This is what happens when they have had no experience in making small choices.

If it is our job to parent, then teach them the values and the principles in which you believe. Then let them put the principles into practice, watch and instruct, but eventually you need to let go and let them make choices.  Otherwise, you are telling them – I do not trust you to make your own informed decisions. You are not worthy of making your own choices. I remember your mistakes and don’t believe you can ever grow and improve from your past.

What kind of psychological damage do you think this will create?

You might as well take a boot and step all over their self-esteem.

I have become accustomed to brushing off what other people say about my children and about my parenting. However, I've never been one to remain silent. 

I wish I could raise my children in the country as I tried to do when they were first born but I believe my husband has a right to not sit in traffic for three hours a day. Three hours that he could be spending with his family. So we moved closer to where my husband has to work cutting his commute time, and increasing family time. I fear I made a huge mistake!

I had a neighbor tell me that they are worried my kids will get hit by a car. We live at the end of a dead end road. Hit by a car - while playing in their yard? Umm. I guess that's a risk I'm willing to take? The only time my children are in the road is when we have to cross the street to the sidewalk and I am with them. Yes, I let my six year old cross the dead end road to the sidewalk by herself with me watching from the front porch. Before she goes out we go over the steps. Stop. Look and listen. Then cross quickly, no stopping to talk to a friend, hit your sister or pick something up. I actually questioned my free range thinking about teaching my daughter to cross the street safely and what I came to conclude is that if the bus company thinks my daughter is old enough to cross the street then apparently I'm not alone in my thinking.

One of her favorite science concoctions lemon juice mixed with baking soda.

To me it makes no clear sense. I have neighbors that don't even let their children play in their yard. They drive them to the park that is a half mile away. That is their choice and I respect their decision and their parental concern. So I ask, that they respect my decision in letting my children play outside (especially my Aspergian daughter who would live outside if I let her). They are being watched. However, I let my children climb walls, and I let them do chemistry experiments with my supervision because I know that soon enough they will try these without me. So at least I can show them how to do it safely in hopes that if they decide to try it themselves that they will use the safety techniques I taught them.

In my mind, walls are to be walked and I am going to let my kids be kids and act like kids as long as they are kids because childhood is gone way too quickly.

My daughters playing on rock walls.